By Devika Khakkar

What’s been the hardest lesson for you to learn last year? For me it’s been the bitting sting of the realisation that we are not as in control of our lives as we might think. Although I think if the pandemic has done one thing, it’s certainly shown everyone that control is an illusion. I don’t think there’s a single person on this planet who can hand on heart say that there isn’t at least one plan, no matter how small, that covid hasn’t changed.

But maybe there is beauty in that. Maybe if we are not as in control of our lives as we might think then maybe we don’t have to be so uptight with them. Maybe we can allow us ourselves to dream our wildest dreams, to imagine the wackiest versions of our lives, to indulge ourselves all the things the people around us say we shouldn’t, to dare to do all the things society says you can’t. Maybe, just maybe, we can have fun.

I’ve been thinking about 18 year old me and what she wanted out of life. I think about it every now and again because it reminds me to take a step back to examine where I truly am in my life, beyond the never-ending to-do list. Although my life goals have sharpened and become more adult, I don’t think what I wanted out of life then and what I want now has changed considerably. 18 year old me wanted freedom, fun and adventure. Is that what you wanted to? Can you honestly say that’s not what you still want?

Why do we indulge in fiction? For many reasons but mostly because of the escapism it provides. If you could bring one of the wonderful escapist things that the people in those books, movies and tv shows do, into your real life, what would you bring? I know it sounds fantastical but I think it’s a good indicator of your heart’s secret desires. I would bring out the ability to just be able to get up and do what I want, without having to answer to or explain myself to anyone else.

Aren’t we all answerable to someone? It’s probably not a bad thing because we all need loved ones and some sense of structure and authority but if you could for just one moment in your life be answerable only to yourself, what would you ask yourself to do? What if it was for a day? A month? A year? If you had told someone in 2019, that you wanted to take a year just for yourself, what would they have said? I’m sure all manner of criticisms would have been thrown your way. Now if you had said it last year? I’m sure many many people would have agreed with you.

So maybe a year isn’t such a long time after all. If we can survive all the trials and tribulations of a pandemic, then why can’t we take a year to just answer to ourselves and do only what we want? I think we can. Or at least I like to think we can because that’s just exactly what I’m going to do. I learned a lot of lessons last year. I learned that life is short. I learned that we can spend years diminishing ourselves in order to fit into other’s boxes but that it will have been a waste of time because we aren’t happy until we are ourselves, whatever that may be.

I learned that if I actually give a shit and try, I can actually achieve stuff in life. I learned how to manage my time. I learned to appreciate the busyness of life. I learned that as much as other people’s thoughts and opinions matter, the most important relationship we cultivate in this life is the relationship that we have with ourselves and so ultimately it’s only really our thoughts and opinions that matter. I learned that I’m stronger and braver than I ever thought possible and that I can handle way more strive and struggle than I previously believed.

And all of it taught me that I’ll be okay. Even if I don’t follow all of the societal, cultural and the desi aunty expectations, norms and regulations, my life won’t collapse in on itself. I’ll still be okay, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually be happier. That’s not to say, it’s the same for you. Live and let live is my philosophy. But don’t be afraid to dream. Or maybe even chase that dream. Don’t be afraid to up and move country just because you want to. Don’t be afraid to find your person but then take your time to get married. Don’t be afraid to run in the rain, laugh at cartoons and wear all your clothes all at once. Basically don’t forget to have fun.

After all, isn’t that what life is all about? Or at least should be about? People like to say, think about what your life will look like when you’re on your death bed and if you’ll be happy about it. That’s not a bad way of looking at things. But it’s often used to say, spend more time with loved ones over work. I don’t think it’s either/or. However you choose to spend your days, just have fun. After all, we’re not as in control as we think. But it’s in the chaos of everyday life that fun is found. And I promise, freedom and adventure aren’t far behind. Ask 18 year old you. I’m sure they’ll agree. So take a year - maybe this year - for yourself and to have fun and maybe just maybe, it’ll become something you do every year.